The following is from Merica Energy:
What are D.I.C.K.S. without their B.A.L.L.S?
No matter how big, D.I.C.K.S® aren’t complete without their B.A.L.L.S®. To that end, ‘Merica Energy is proud to announce that it’s launching B.A.L.L.S (Ballistic Action Lid Launcher System) to complement its award-winning and huge D.I.C.K.S.
As the saying goes, it isn’t about the size of the D.I.C.K.S, but how you use them – and our B.A.L.L.S have all the features you need to unlock your D.I.C.K.S’ functionality. Constructed out of the toughest Kevlar (with 10% Abraham Lincoln’s pubic hair woven in for flexibility), our B.A.L.LS. are firm when you first purchase them but slowly drop into a more comfortable fit with age. Aesthetics will be the least of your concerns with how full our B.A.L.L.S are.
Some key features:
- Fully-functional, multi-shot grenade launcher using the 25mm rounds stored in your D.I.C.K.S.
- Snug ‘Merica Energy holder with gravity dispenser.
- Breathable tri-blend material made of Kevlar and Abe Lincoln’s pubic hair.
- Anti-polarization, Tennessee high school football coach sunglasses.
- Authentic American flag with auto-raising mechanism – when your D.I.C.K.S get hard, your B.A.L.L.S will automatically spring into action.
In all, B.A.L.L.S represent the pinnacle of energy-drink related hat technology and the necessary compliment to your D.I.C.K.S. If you’re swingin’ your D.I.C.K.S, never leave home without your B.A.L.L.S.
This comes in response to Bang’s announcement that they will be releasing a Jack Owoc signature hat. Merica Energy has not been shy about coming after Bang. When Merica Energy launched, their digital commercials mimicked the energy drink giant. Last week, when Bang announced a Jack Owoc signature shoe, Merica Energy released their version called B.A.L.L.S.
Fitness Informant POV
I love a good back-and-fourth between companies. Honestly, this is entertaining as a consumer and as a media outlet to watch unfold. Merica Energy is one of the few brands not afraid to take on the giants, much like us here at FI. Maybe that’s why they were in the running for Breakout Brand of the Year. So far Bang has not issued an official response, nor do I think they will or should. Merica Energy is having some fun at Bang’s expense, and I bet they reap the benefits of it as well.
